This is a post written by Avishai Shuter, and up-and-coming zoologist who lives in his parents house while on the cusp of getting a job with the Bronx Zoo.
I was out for pizza with some friends the other day when I noticed something thatÂ many of us don’t even notice. A friend and I basically got the same order: a slice and a Snapple, but my friend got fries while I opted not to. I couldn’t help but notice thatÂ my order came to a total of $5.15 while my friend’s was $8.55. This brings me to my hypothesis: less is more (money in our pockets).
It seems to me that in almost any food-buying situation, many people spring for the extra option. Fries with pizza or burgers, dumplings or eggrolls with Chinese, SourÂ Patch Kids at the movies, the list goes on and on. Dictionary.com’s fourth definition of the word extra, is even an additional expense. That is how I will now view all these small extras. Why do I need eggrolls in addition to my meal? My meal is a meal on its own (obviously)! All the extras do is add cost and calories. I’ve therefore taken the liberty of outlining a survival guide for all of you.
1. Survey your surroundings
Look at the choices you are being offered. Use your instincts to discern what’s necessary and what’s extra. This is usually pretty easy. Anything associated with the words, appetizer or combo is extra. Extras are also typically cheaper than full meals. Buy your meal, that’s all. (As a side note, drinks can also be considered extras in cases where you can’t easily get water for free. Do you really need a Coke? No. No you don’t.) Buying less junk means more money in your pocket.
Because your friends haven’t read my Survival Guide, they’ll continue to buy extras. If you wish to partake of the forbidden fruit, take from them. You weren’t eating extras because you were hungry, you were eating them because they were in front of you. If your friends’ extras are in front of you, just eat those.
3. Fight the Urge
I know the pizza place makes great French fries, but you need to fight the urge to buy them. They’re not worth it. They’ll be gone faster than you know it, and chances are you won’t even remember eating them a week later. Like your ex, fries have no positive affect on your life, so don’t call them when you get lonely.
4. Be Victorious
So you resisted. Congrats, because your wallet is now heavier for it. You have also displayed some level of discipline and self control. Now, your friends are all jealous of you because you can buy an expensive movie ticket with the money you saved from not buying fries just 4 times. Your theme song is now, We Are The Champions.
I hope this helps all of you overcome your natural need for extras. Here in America, we’ve been conditioned to think that all extras are positive. This is not the case. What if you had an extra leg? Or an extra flat tire? Or an extra broken TV? All bad extras, to be avoided. So my friends, avoid the extras. Who needs them?