I Went to Bank Heaven Today

I daydream a ton, and every once in a while I’ll come up with a jewel. Sure, I’ve scored multiple World Cup goals, and hitting walk off homers barely gets my heart racing because they’re so common, but recently I had a daydream interaction with someone at the bank, and it was glorious.

How common is it to find fees you weren’t expecting on your bank statement? Everyone’s been through it, and fighting it is a real pain. You have to call up, wait on hold, get transferred, then they investigate it, and say they’ll get back to you. The whole thing ends up costing you more time than the money you were charged to begin with.

It’s a huge hassle, but what if the tables were turned?

My Mind Wanders…

In my fantastic dream, the bank accidentally gave me more than I deserved. Instead of a few cents of interest each month, they handed over a cool $50,000. Of course it was a mistake, and I don’t deserve the money. But in my excitement, I had already transferred it out to another bank.

I get a phone call from the bank explaining what happened and asking for their money back. I say, “hold on, let me check my records.” I blare some music that I like but that probably drives them nuts. I come back just to say that I’ll be back shortly, I’m almost done.

Finally, I come back and tell them that it looks like a legitimate transaction and that I’ll have to look into it more. I’ll contact them when I’ve come to a conclusion, which should be two to three business days, but can sometimes take up to a week..

Of course, I immediately get a phone call demanding the money back, so I forward it to the manager. After putting on a tie, I tell them that while it was a legitimate transaction, I’d be willing to work with them to find a resolution. Unfortunately, the claims department already left for the day, so we’ll have to submit a ticket.

The next day they call back, but they have to explain the situation again because I changed shirts and now they’re talking to a different representative. And of course, the notes are a little vague. But it all gets sorted out and I agree to transfer them back the money.

There’s just one problem: according to company policy, while it is a 0% interest transaction, there is a 2% fee for any transfers. To be clear, there’s no interest occurring, just a one time transfer fee that cuts into the bottom line.

They have no choice but to accept. I split up the extra money ($1,000) between the two customer service representatives, the manager, and the claims department. Everyone wins and my one man company finally pulls a fast one right back at the bank.

Back to Reality

Unfortunately, I woke up from that dream and the reality is just a bit different.

11 Responses to I Went to Bank Heaven Today

  1. Little House says:

    That’s hilarious. If only they would make such mistakes. I’ve been very lucky with my bank and their immediate action on reversal of fees. For instance I’ve caught some charges by vendors that weren’t approved and they reversed them immediately. They do always say they might have to charge them again if they find out they are legitimate charges, but they haven’t been. Thanks for sharing your day dream!

  2. Jon DeGroff says:

    Awesome post. How great that would be!

  3. Joe DeGroff says:

    This is absolutely hilarious! I read something similar written by a 98 year old woman recently: http://www.google.com/buzz/joedegroff/fswAjD5y7Ew/98-Years-Old-And-With-Wit-As-Sharp-As-A-Razor

    Thanks for sharing!

  4. Forest says:

    Ha ha ha….. But you see, you are an individual, you have no rights ;)….. They are a corporation they can do anything they want (as long as they are acting in the interest of shareholders, of course!).

    Something tells me that if you held the cash for longer than a week the boys in blue would be knocking at your door :).

  5. Nunzio Bruno says:

    That was probably the best daydream every!! I’m already thinking about how great that would feel if it were me doing it to the bank :) You were pretty spot on about the opportunity costs involved with trying to deal with mix ups like that when you aren’t the one holding the purse strings. Great Post!

  6. Joe Plemon says:

    Very funny post. Do you ever wish that some corporate America bigwig would have a nightmare of being the banker in your dream? He might just learn how it feels to be a regular person. But then, I might just be dreaming.

  7. Father’s Day Bragging / Weekly Roundup says:

    […] I Went to Bank Heaven Today at Sweating the Big Stuff […]

  8. Khaleef @ KNS Financial says:

    This is great! Boy I wish that we consumers actually had this kind of power!

    @ Joe, you’re right it would be great for them to experience what they put us through!

  9. LOVE IT!!! My day-dream would be almost identical except the fee would be like 50% and the rest would be lost in the mail…

  10. I love the post, hilarious, and I have a quote for you:

    “A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.” – Mark Twain